bugs are just another animal

(written 2.21.23)

so ive always been freaked out by most bugs. like ever since i was a little kid. i feel like theyre unpredictable and they can just jump and fly around whevever. i feel like theyll jump on me/fly in my face/try to go in my mouth and stuff. and for years people have told me "ohh theyre just bugs they cant hurt you" and im like "yeah i know" but it didnt really help anything.

but recently.

i was in the bathroom at work and theres kind of a rotted-out window that bugs tend to come into and get stuck in. and there was this poor pathetic little housefly just slamming itself against the glass.

now. i really dont like flies. they gross me out. but there was something about this guy that just made me feel really bad for him. he just wanted to go back outside and he didnt understand why he couldnt.

i couldnt just leave the guy like that, so i mustered up all the courage i had and tried to scoop him onto a paper towel to put him between the glass and the screen so he could go back outside through the big hole in the wood under the screen. the first time, i fumbled and dropped him. i recoiled back and expected him to divebomb me or something.

but he just turned towards me and stared at me like he was confused and maybe scared. and i had the thought "this is how an animal would react".

i should have realized it before (and i feel silly for not realizing) but bugs are really just another kind of animal. just weird little animals. this moment did more for my perception of bugs than anything else ever did. it kinda solidified like "theyre not out to get me, they just want to do their own thing and survive".

so the second time, i succeeded in getting him between the screen and the window. once he felt fresh air he immediately calmed down and stopped flinging himself around. he chilled there against the screen until he eventually found his way out. i learned a lot from this experience and now i really feel like i can just chill in the same room as a bug! :)